The legend of the two wolves: why the version you know is incomplete

You know this legend of the two wolves. A grandfather explains to his grandson that within each of us there are two wolves: a black wolf (anger, jealousy, resentment) and a white wolf (peace, compassion, humility). The child asks: «Which one wins? The wise man replies: »The one you feed.«

End of story. You've seen it 1,000 times on LinkedIn, Instagram, in motivational quotes. It's beautiful, simple and effective. But it is incomplete.

And this truncated version misses the point.

Because the grandfather doesn't stop there. He adds something fundamental that changes the whole meaning of the message. Something that resonates deeply with Carl Jung's work on the shadow, and has concrete implications for all those who train, teach or practise disciplines related to violence.

In this article, I'm going to tell you the full version of the legend of the two wolves. Then we'll look at how it sheds light on our relationship with violence and our dark side, and how it can be integrated into field practice, particularly in training.

The legend of the two wolves: part one (the one everyone knows)

This is how the story begins, as told in Cherokee tradition:

One evening, an old Cherokee sees his grandson approach him, his face closed and worried. He was angry after an argument with his best friend. The grandfather listens attentively. And when it's his turn to speak, he tells him a story about an ordinary struggle - the one that every human being on Earth faces throughout his or her life.

«I too sometimes feel hatred and anger towards those who behave badly. But these feelings don't hurt my opponents. In truth, these feelings exhaust me. It's like swallowing poison and wanting your enemy to suffer. I've often fought these feelings. Every day there's a battle going on inside me. A fight between two wolves.»

«Two wolves, Grandpa?»

«Yes, two wolves: a white wolf and a black wolf. The black wolf is dark and shady. He is mean. He knows only anger, envy, jealousy, sadness, grief, greed and arrogance. Self-pity and a feeling of inferiority drive him to resentment, lies and vanity. The white wolf is luminous. He is kind. He knows peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith».»

Curled up, eyebrows furrowed and head bowed, the grandson broods. He ponders his grandfather's wise words. And asks:

«Grandpa, and which wolf wins this fight?»

The old Cherokee turned to his grandson, looked him straight in the eye, smiled, and replied with great kindness:

«The one who wins is the one you decide to feed.»

⚠️ This is where the popular version ends.

Most posts, quotes and shares on social networks end exactly here. Clear message: choose the good, feed the white wolf, starve the black wolf. It's a comforting binary moral.

But the grandfather doesn't stop there.

The little-known sequel to the legend of the two wolves: what changes EVERYTHING?

Here's the rest of the story, the one that radically changes the message:

«I see,» says the grandson.

«But the most important thing is not who wins. Because in this fight, there can be no winner. If a wolf wins this fight, whether it's black or white, there will only be losers.»

«I don't understand any more, Grandpa. In a fight, isn't there always a winner and a loser?»

«The two wolves, the black and the white, need each other. They are part of a whole. Feed only one and the other will become hungry and uncontrollable. However, if you feed and care for both, a balance will be created. They will serve you, for the good, and they will do nothing that is not part of something greater, more vast, connected to Life.»

«Connected to Life... what does that mean?»

«If you choose and feed the two wolves, there will no longer be any internal battle for your attention. And with no fight inside you, you'll be able to hear the voice of your inner knowing, which will show you what's right in all circumstances.»

Why this sequel radically changes the message

Can you see the difference?

The short version reads: «Eliminate the evil in you. Nourish only the good.»

The full version reads: «Integrate all your parts, even those you consider dark, to create a balance. The two wolves need each other.»

The black wolf is not your enemy. It's a part of you. And if you reject him, you cut yourself off from your power, from your ability to defend your limits, to say no, to feel healthy anger, to protect what matters.

More importantly, if you starve the black wolf, he becomes uncontrollable. That's what the grandfather explicitly says. A hungry wolf is a dangerous wolf.

Feeding the two wolves means accepting to be human. Completely.

The legend of the two wolves and Carl Jung's shadow: a bridge between wisdoms

The Jungian shadow in 3 minutes

Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, developed the concept of the’shadow Everything we repress, deny or reject in ourselves. Anger, aggression, selfishness, fears, forbidden desires. Everything we deem «unacceptable» according to our upbringing, our culture and our self-image.

The shadow doesn't disappear when you deny it. It accumulates. It manifests itself in projections (we hate in others what we reject in ourselves), unconscious sabotage and unpredictable explosions.

«The shadow is formed by repressing a set of feelings, qualities, talents and attitudes that we thought were unacceptable to those around us».» Jean de Monbourquette

Integrating the shadow, It means recognising these repressed parts, welcoming them without judgement, and transforming them into conscious forces. To go further on this subject, you can consult the book by Jean de Monbourquette : Taming your shadow

This Amerindian legend of the two wolves, in its complete version, teaches exactly the same thing: feeding the two wolves means integrating its shadow.

Why refusing a wolf makes us vulnerable

Imagine a special needs educator who defines himself as pacifist, benevolent, anti-violence. He has chosen this profession to help, support and care. A noble intention. But what happens when he is physically attacked, hit or threatened?

His black, hungry wolf appears. He explodes disproportionately, freezes, tetanises, unable to protect himself or accumulates stress day after day until he wants to give up. Why do they want to give up? Because he has never learned to recognise and dialogue with this part of him (and that, incidentally, he lacks a few skills).

Conversely, those who know their black wolf, who have nurtured and tamed it, know the right balance. He can be firm without being violent, protect himself without crushing the other person, and say stop with clarity.

It's the difference between suffering violence and choosing a response.

Application in the field: training in violence when you come from «another world».»

The trainer, a «dog in a game of skittles».»

When I give training courses in the medical-social sector - to specialised educators, carers and social workers - I'm often seen as a «dog in a game of skittles».

Most of these professionals are deeply human, pacifist and anti-violence. They have chosen their profession as a vocation, to help, support and care. And then someone comes along who talks about violence, physical confrontation, defending oneself.

I don't come from the same world as them. And it's normal for them to have preconceptions.

They say: «What's a guy who teaches martial arts doing here? We're not cops, we're not bouncers. We're human beings.»

I understand. It's because the reality on the ground has sometimes caught up with them violently. They were hit, insulted and threatened. And it destabilised them. Deeply. Because they weren't prepared. Not physically. But especially not psychologically.

Always putting people and dialogue first

Right from the start of my training courses, I set out a clear framework: the agitated person is always treated humanely. Dialogue is always a priority.

I'm not here to turn educators into fighters. I'm here to give them the tools to not to put oneself in danger while continuing to do their job: support, care and soothe.

Because self-defence, in this context, is not about neutralising the other person. It's about protecting yourself so that you can continue to help them.

Little by little, the mistrust dissipates. Because they understand that I'm not denying their approach. I'm complementing it.

Bringing out the other wolf: the most important part of training

But here's where it all changes: as the training progresses, I set up exercises which bring out a side of the person they don't want to see.

Realistic scenarios. Controlled stress. Physical and psychological pressure.

And then something happens.

Anger. Fear. Aggression. The need to push back, to defend yourself, to say "stop" with violence.

The other wolf. The one we've repressed.

Participants are sometimes surprised, even shocked, by their own reactions. «I didn't know I had it in me. »I felt like punching. «I felt a rage I didn't know I had.»

And it's exactly that moment which is the most important. Because this is where we move on from traditional training to real human development. Personal development.

La legend of the two wolves takes on its full meaning: they discover their black wolf. And they understand that it needs to be fed, recognised and integrated.

From technique to personal transformation

To recognise your black wolf is to free yourself.

It means stopping lying to ourselves. It means accepting that we are not all kindness and gentleness. That we also have a capacity for violence. And that this capacity is legitimate.

Because it allows us to survive. To protect ourselves. To protect those we love.

Once you've accepted this reality, you can work with it. We can feed it consciously. You can learn to dose, to choose, to respond appropriately.

And above all: we stop putting up with it.

This approach is not just for educators or medical-social staff. It applies to all those who are not used to dealing with violence on a regular basis: train crews, on-board train staff (excluding security staff), teachers, shopkeepers, social workers, etc.

All these professionals who sometimes come up against violence that they have never learnt how to handle. Because they were told: «Be kind. De-escalate. Dialogue. But they've never been taught how to recognise and integrate their own violence.

For these professionals, understanding the Cherokee legend of the two wolves becomes a psychological survival tool.

My own path: I'm not a teacher, just a step ahead of you

Don't be fooled by illusions: I'm not here to give you THE way. That would be very presumptuous of me.

In fact, MartialExperience's leitmotiv is «A way to find yourself» and not «The way».»

What I can tell you is that without going into the details of my current life, I too am returning to the shadows, to my other wolf. To talk to him. To try and understand him better.

And believe it or not, I've realised a lot. I don't sleep soundly every night.

Practising martial arts does not mean «mastering» your shadow

Just because you're or have been involved in martial arts, self-defence or violence doesn't mean you've «mastered» the black wolf or your shadow.

No. It's much more complex than that.

These are awareness-raising and ongoing self-examination which, I think, allow - or at least try - to integrate this wolf, this shadow.

You can be an expert in combat and be completely out of touch with your shadow. You can disarm someone in three seconds and explode in uncontrolled rage at a hurtful comment.

Technique is no substitute for inner work. It never does.

This blog: a companion, not a guru

I don't write on this blog, as I hope you've realised by now, to set myself up as a lecturer. But rather to like someone on the path.

If I'm one step ahead of you, then I'm trying to pass on what I know and where I'm at. That's all I'm trying to do.

Because tomorrow, I'll discover a new layer of my shadow...because as the saying goes Jean Monbourquette :

«Each time you have tamed a part of it, a new landscape of yourself will be revealed and will beg to be exploited».»

And that's the real message of the legend of the two wolves It's not a destination. It's a journey. A continuous dialogue. A constant dance between light and darkness.

You're not alone in this fight. Nor am I.

Bringing the two wolves into dialogue: the Taoist golden mean

Once the two wolves have been fed, recognised and accepted, there is one crucial stage left: get them in contact with each other and communicate with each other.

Because rather than feeding them separately, it's about getting them to talk to each other. Making them understand that they are part of a whole, as grandfather says: «something bigger, something wider, connected to Life».»

The black wolf says: «I'm scared, I want to protect, I want to survive.»
The white wolf replies: «I see you, but we can choose our answer.»

This inner dialogue is what Taoists call the happy medium Neither too soft, nor too hard. Neither passive nor blindly violent. Just balance. To explore this philosophy, the teachings of Tao Te King offer a fascinating complementary perspective.

A Taoist saying illustrates this perfectly:

«Water is the softest and weakest of all things, but when it comes to attacking what is hard and strong, nothing can surpass it.»

Water adapts, circumvents and persists. It is neither weak nor violent. just.

It's this balance that we're looking for. Not the victory of one wolf over the other, but their conscious cooperation.

The 3 mistakes that prevent us from integrating our two wolves

Mistake 1: Believing that a wolf is «bad».»

The black wolf is not evil. It is primitive, protective and necessary. If you want to eliminate it, you'll lose your ability to defend your limits, to feel healthy anger, to say no forcefully.

Without a black wolf, you become a willing victim.

La legend of the two wolves teaches us that the two wolves «need each other». Neither is superior or inferior.

Mistake 2: Feeding a single wolf out of fear or morality

Many people only feed the white wolf through social, professional or moral conditioning. «Be nice. Don't get angry. Be patient. Always forgive.»

The result? The black wolf goes mad with hunger. He pops up at unexpected moments, out of proportion. You surprise yourself.

Feeding a single wolf creates an imbalance that makes you unpredictable and vulnerable.

Mistake 3: Never bring the two wolves together

Feeding them both is fine. But if you keep them in separate cages, they never stop fighting.

We need create an internal dialogue. Recognise that the black wolf has legitimate needs (protection, survival, limits), and that the white wolf can satisfy them without blind violence.

It is this dialogue that creates inner calm. The voice of knowledge, as grandfather says. The voice that shows you what's right in all circumstances.

FAQ : Your questions about the legend of the two wolves and the shadow

1. Won't feeding the black wolf make me violent?

No. Feeding the black wolf means recognise your capacity for violence, not expressing it unfiltered. Starving it makes it dangerous, because it becomes uncontrollable. Once fed and integrated, you can choose your responses.

2. How can I tell if my black wolf is hungry?

You'll know by your impulsive reactions, your explosions of anger, your projections (you hate in others what you deny in yourself), your unconscious sabotage. If you surprise yourself with the violence of your reactions, that's a sign.

3. In practical terms, how do I «feed» my two wolves?

• White wolf practices of compassion, meditation, gratitude and service to others.
• Black wolf Recognising your darker emotions without judgement, allowing yourself to feel anger, practising assertiveness, defending yourself physically if necessary.

4. Does this approach to the legend of the two wolves work in vocational training?

I think it's difficult to give a yes or no answer to that question.
First of all, it depends on the training and the trainer: if you stick to the technical side because that's all the trainer is trained to do, it's going to be complicated.
That said, »the legend of the two wolves» is not an approach in itself... the work of the shadows can be «revealed», it's an opening, a beginning... but yes, I have seen people radically change their relationship with violence once they accept their own aggressiveness. They become calmer, clearer and more effective. Because they're no longer fighting themselves.

5. What does the legend of the two wolves have to do with Taoism?

Taoism seeks a balance between opposing forces (yin/yang). The two wolves are another way of expressing this duality. Neither all yin (passivity), nor all yang (violence), but the balance that allows the right action at the right time.
On this subject, I recommend a previous article which is still one of the most read on my blog: "Demon hand, Buddha heart

6. Can we really achieve this balance?

It's not a fixed state. It's a path. Some days, a wolf takes up more space. The important thing is to remain aware, not to judge, and to return to balance when you stray from it.

Conclusion: Towards balance, not victory

La legend of the two wolves, in its complete version, does not invite us to kill a part of ourselves. It calls us to integration.

To integrate is to welcome, to stop fleeing, to nurture your two wolves so that they become your allies rather than your inner enemies.

It means getting them to talk to each other, to communicate, so that they understand that they are part of a whole linked to Life.

In my work as a trainer, I have realised that real self-defence starts on the inside. If you're at war with yourself, you'll be vulnerable to others. If you have found your inner balance, you can respond appropriately, whatever the situation.

It's what Jung called individuation, what the Taoists call the golden mean, and what the Cherokee grandfather teaches his grandson in this Amerindian legend of the two wolves.

Feed your two wolves. Get them talking. And listen to the voice that emerges from the silence of their fight.

If this article resonates with you, share it. Comment on it. Tell me which version of this legend you knew, and what the full version changes for you. And if you want to go further in this integration process, explore the other articles on the blog Martial Experience - we talk about self-defence, but above all self-awareness in situations of violence.

Because when it comes down to it, the most important battle isn't against the other person. It's within you.

See you soon!